When Comparing Goes Too Far
Spot the Difference!
We all do it. Comparing ourselves to others.
It’s human nature. We are social beings and comparing no doubt has links back to our early survival by needing to be part of a group.
But there can come a point when the negatives of comparing ourselves with others outweigh the positives.
Normally a useful means of setting a baseline for personal growth, comparison can also be used as a tool to erode self-confidence.
Over comparing can create a cycle of negative self-talk and diminished self esteem, leading to a mindset of ‘not good enough’.
This is further compounded by a world that seemingly celebrates perfection and lacks compassion for mistake making. For example, we are inundated with social media feeds showing us life highlights of mostly the success stories.
This skewed perspective of comparing others’ success stories with our perceived shortcomings is only fuel for feelings of self doubt and inadequacy.
It is here we must remind ourselves that what we see online is a snapshot and not the full picture.
Easily said than done though.
Hitting the breaks on comparison
In order to regain a balanced perspective of yourself the first stage is to raise your awareness of comparison.
Catch yourself when you are ‘comparing’ yourself with others and label it as such. This disassociates the behaviour from any emotions that you might experience with the action of comparison.
To balance the focus on comparing, it is also important to introduce patterns and behaviours that remind you of the good you are doing.
Find a way to regularly remind yourself of what is great about what you are doing. It could be a daily gratitude journal, a personal list of successes that you can refer back to or seek feedback from trusted friends / colleagues.
Celebrate your successes. Reward and congratulate yourself when you make a personal achievement. This will support intrinsic motivation and help you out on those ‘wobbly days’.
How to manage the comparing
Once you start to notice when you are comparing yourself to others – what do you do with it?
How can you stop it?
This is where we recommend the 3 Cs.
Compare, Choice and Control
- COMPARE. Notice when you are comparing and get curious. Learn from it what you can. Use it as the growth tool that it is.
- CHOICE. Respond, don’t react. This is where you actively, consciously decide to take the learning you have gleaned and then let the rest go. There is no point trying to be something or someone you are not.
- CONTROL. Make sure you flip the script and re-frame any negatives into a positive in your mind. Reduce judgement . For example, If you noticed that you felt judged by the way you live, stop and give thanks for the life you do have. Gain back control of what you are and what you have achieved.
The 3 C’s is a simple acronym to try that, with repeated use, will retrain your thinking to more about you and less about comparing yourself to others.
To combat the negative impact of comparison, it’s crucial to focus on personal growth and self-improvement rather than external benchmarks. Celebrating your own achievements, no matter how small, can help rebuild confidence. Additionally, practising gratitude for our unique qualities and life experiences can shift our focus from comparison to appreciation.
The negative impacts of comparing – self-doubt, low self esteem and feelings of inadequacy, are often experienced in the workplace. When in that state, it can feel difficult to find a trusted someone to seek counsel with, someone that can provide sensitive and balanced feedback. This is where coaching can make a difference. We have a number of coaches at Jewel and we will help you find the right person to connect with for the coaching to be most effective. Our coaches will help you to reconnect with your personal journey.